|Sophie captioned her instagram picture on my birthday "Happy Birthday to this shining paragon of virtue" which I laughed at and thought 'if only!' But now... doth the lady speaketh the truth?|
To me, I am a very dirty, gross, unkempt person with sinful secrets. But to everyone else, i'm slowly realizing, textbook speaking, I am a shining paragon of virtue.
This leads me to believe either one of two things are true; my acting is FANTASTIC and I have unbeknownst to me fooled EVERYONE for years and no one has discovered the crazy person I really am. Or, i'm not really as wild as I thought.. and I need to go out and get a buzzcut and dye the leftovers orange and get a nose piercing (oh yeah I don't have a single piercing) and have sex like a man and experiment with drugs and spend over saving and start being hmmmmm reckless? Is that the word i'm looking for? I don't know! Is that what i'm supposed to do? I don't know! Do I need to live less...conservatively? As I said dying my hair even a shade darker or lighter is like A HUGE LIFE DECISION TO CONSIDER VERY CAREFULLY.
I guess, what I am trying to say is that I have steered myself away from those things typically considered radical, unvirtuous or bad. So why do I still feel like I am a negative representation on humanity?
Although I don't feel virtuous, perhaps I actually am?? Thoughts anyone?